For the First and Last Time
by chromeluster27
Summary: Chrome's POV  I wanted to thank him for cradling me for the past five years but in exchange of the kindness that he has offered I escaped from that warm place where he sheltered me. I want to thank him, even just through this letter... -TYL!1896- ONESHOT


**Title:** For the first and last time…

**Author:** chromeluster27

**Genre:** Romance, Angst

**Pairing:** TYL!Hibari/TYL!Chrome -1896-

**Prompt: **1896love (Hibari x Chrome Community) 100 Themes Challenge at LiveJournal - #81. Pen and Paper

**Rating:** PG-13/T

**Warnings: **Possible OOCness.

**Summary: **(Chrome's POV)I wanted to thank him for cradling me for the past five years but in exchange of the kindness that he has offered I escaped from that warm place where he sheltered me. I want to thank him, even just through this letter…

**Disclaimer: **I own "Katekyo Hitman Reborn!"… IN MY DREAMS. :p Tell me I'm dreaming, please? Otherwise all rights (and praises as well…) belongs to the awesome Amano Akira-sensei. :D

**A/N**: Wow, first angst fanfiction of yours truly, please enjoy the sorrowfulness that I tried to inject this fic. (LOLWHUT? O.o) I dedicate this story to my writing mentor, _firemeetsice08_ on LJ (or _silver silhouette08_ in ) who loves being an emo. (Hahahaha! Peace… :''). This was set five months before the TYL arc of KHR. Possible OOCness because this fic was just a figment of my imagination, and I believe only Amano-sensei could write them in character. XD (What a defensive explanation from me…)

Please enjoy my craziness, minna~!

_**Chrome's POV**_

…

_Ten years ago, I believed in that calm yet cold voice who called my name, the first one who told me that words… "I need you, Nagi…"_

_But at the moment that voice faded off, you appeared to my side, and gently whispered to my ears "Don't cry, I'll be always here by your side… Because I need you…"_

_Ten years ago, I thought I will never feel that sorrowful sensation of being alone again, at last somebody proved that a wimpy girl like me can be useful in some ways._

_But when I turned back to all of them, you followed me, even though I was shoving you off, you continued to chase me. _

_Ten years ago, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest because of joy, my cheeks burned because of bewilderment, when they told me that "You are part of the Family…", "You are an important friend to us…"_

_But when that happiness vanished and I have severed connections to the Family, you found me, held on to me tighter and told me "Even though you separate yourself from the Family, you will remain an important person to me…"_

_Ten years ago, I learned to trust in their words, I struggled to be a better and stronger individual for them, and they were the motivation that shaped me on who am I right now._

_But when distrust and lack of enthusiasm enveloped me, you took my hand and helped me regain my confidence. I learned to trust your words. _

_Ten years ago, I was enlightened, Nagi couldn't be a loved person, but Chrome could. _

_And Chrome was, because of you…_

…

I can't stop crying. My eye felt heavy, the stream of tears won't stop flowing. After I wrote those sentences, my heart felt burdened. How many more tissue rolls will it take to prevent the rolling tears from releasing this agony? I pity myself. In the end I remained dependent from somebody else's warmth to warm my cold soul. And most often, from the past five years, that warmth was always from _him_.

I left my table and the letter I was scribbling, and decided to stand up and peek from the windows of the chamber I'm in. The stars are now gradually coming out from their concealment from the bright sun and the moon was beginning to peek from the thickness of clouds. Yes, the clouds. Clouds, at the mention of that word the first thing that comes into my mind was _his face_.

Step by step my feet brought me back in front of the desk. Holding my pen, it jotted the following words involuntarily…

_That expressionless appearance from you is undoubtedly one of a kind. Those piercing glares from his gray eyes, that smirk that was always painted on your face whenever I show my "weak presence" before your murderous one. Those calloused hands, it never failed to conduct a comforting sensation to my wrecked soul whenever it touched me. Your deep voice that usually scared everyone, in contrast, was the first one and the only one that convinced my aching heart to move forward and face the all the odds. _

Unconsciously, I smiled while I remembered those admirable features of his.

I wanted to thank him for taking me under his wings for the past five years through this letter. However in exchange of the kindness that he has offered to me I escaped from that warm place where he cradled me. I became so stubborn because I believed that I can stand on my own. It was my fault I was feeling lonely. I knew this letter can't make up for the things I caused to him.

I slumped back to my seat and continued to write onto the piece of scented paper, I hate my eye, my tears were already dripping on the space I was writing, the tint might smear and make it unreadable. My thoughts could not be sorted; those words won't leave my mind alone.

"_I would wait, until your heart is ready to love me back…"_

Mukuro-sama, he was rarely meeting me in our illusionary world, the last time I remembered he did that was… five years ago. After that futile attempt on breaking him out of Vindice, for some reason he was unreachable. Ken and Chikusa also left me, and in a blink of an eye, I was alone, just like when I was still Nagi. My condition was comparable to an old rag, immediately thrown away at the moment it proved itself worthless. Worthless. Just like Nagi.

At that memory, it was even harder to breathe. Yet I forced myself to maintain my composure and have more resolve to halt my sobbing. At last, my pen started jotting down the words right from my heart…

_I will forever remember the day you found out that I reside in Milan. Since then, your face won't leave my mind, ever. Maybe you'll laugh at me, but I feel like I was always a stray cat, waiting for some human to pick me up out of the mud and take care of me. The first time, it was Mukuro-sama…_

Mukuro-sama, I gave her all my life. It was not just simple devotion or loyalty, as he thought. I offered him more than mere loyalty could ever serve somebody. And that was my whole heart; I loved him with all my heart. Yet he threw my feelings away like it was a piece of trash, and told me that "your devotion to me is what matters the most, nothing more, nothing less…" My world revolved around him, though I knew as clear as the day that revenge was everything to him. I was just a mere tool for that.

I gripped my pen firmly, and carried on engraving the words in my mind onto that paper…

…_then it was you, Hibari Kyoya._

_Kyoya, you wouldn't know how happy am I to know at least someone cared for me, that someone would keep a stray cat like me not because they would find me entertaining, or treat me like some slave, but due to their unwavering affection to that poor being. I am the kind of person that is moved even in the slightest bit of care and affection showed to me, I know it's not hidden in your skeptic being already._

_I was truly happy for those five years I have spent with you. I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you this personally, but I was so thankful that some angel has brought you and me together. (And that angel maybe Boss. That thought was really funny, don't you think? I know you wouldn't laugh.). Thank you for allowing me to stay at your house at Milan and always keeping me company there, for providing my basic needs and even updating me about Boss and the whole Vongola Family._

Boss, everyone, I know we'll meet soon…

_But aside from those materialistic things, I am more grateful for you showed me the other side of Kyoya. That gentle side that you rarely let anyone know about it, and I was lucky that I was one of the selected souls to uncover its existence. For those cold nights that you visited me secretly in my room, ensuring that I have a blanket that could shelter me from cold, I was deeply touched every time you do it. Your firm belief in me, and that I words of support that I'm hearing from you, although you always do that encouragement in your own twisted way. That real smile, no, I won't ever forget that. That soft voice that always cheered me up and warmed my ice-cold soul, it will play over and over again in my thoughts, as long as I live._

Loneliness and emptiness, why are you suddenly enveloping my heart? Am I really fated to be the constant victim of these sensations?

_I was so sorry I ran away from you. Your warm presence, I certainly need it. I was stupid to run away, because from the past five years I felt that my world did not belonged to Mukuro-sama, but it gradually made itself yours._

I was crying again, stupid feelings, why am I as fragile as you thought, Kyoya?

_Sorry, I wanted to escape from you. I just thought that if I lost my feelings to Mukuro-sama, I wouldn't be able to be the tool I was then. Last week, I received a message from a certain seventeen year old criminal, stating that he was possessed by him. Mukuro-sama needed me again, and so as his tool, I must comply. I thought that I could flee from my duty to him, but fate tells me otherwise. Please accept my apologies, for I did not inform you and instead ran away just like that. I did not have the courage then, I know if I tell you this you will insist on accompanying me, and maybe that topic might surface again._

I looked up at the ceiling in a futile effort to fight the tears. The mirror on top of the table reflected my miserable image. I turned my gaze at the clock; it was already past seven in the evening. I need to hurry because Kyoya will arrive later at exactly ten-thirty. I was not surprised on the short time span that he needed in order to trace me here at Venice, as expected from the person who found me at Milan. No, brush off that thought. I wouldn't want him to see me here, or else my effort to escape will be useless, and I might need to answer _that _question before I leave.

_It always made me smile whenever the day you asked me that things comes into my disarray thoughts. That query made me adore you so much, you are as stubborn as ever. I was impressed how you have made yourself sound so serious, so straightforward that it overwhelmed me completely…_

"_Why is it always Mukuro?"_

"_Tell me, have you ever felt any, even just a slight attraction to me?"_

_For your first question, I guess I have already answered that in the earlier part of this letter. And for the second question that you were always so persistent to ask me…_

My throbbing heart beat faster... As if it will jump out of its place at any moment. Your face, your rare smile, it always made it feel like it will explode. You were the only ones that were able to make it like that, nope, not even Mukuro-sama. I need to write faster, I don't want to see that face of yours with that sorrowful expression like I have now, no, it will hurt me more…

_No, I did not feel any slight attraction to you. Over the past five years, my heart was rather touched by all the things you have done for me. My heart learned to long for you. To be with you, up to the point that I need you…_

_For the first and last time…_

_I love you, Kyoya._

As I finished this letter with my name, I can't stop crying. I have never cried like this in my whole life. These agony and solitary moment seemed to last for eternity.

No Chrome, you must calm yourself now. It was already eight o' clock in the evening. Sigh, I can leave ahead of him. It was painful to disappear from him without a trace, except for this letter that I will be leaving behind for him. This letter, it contained my whole heart. It contained my feelings for Kyoya. I know it will be better to tell him face-to-face, but my weak heart won't be able to handle his sad face. No, that face would rather break me up into tiny pieces, and I have to run away to the person that who would pick up my broken pieces.

I placed that letter into an envelope, and wrote his name on it, so that he would know it was for him. When I sealed it, I felt that it was like sealing my inner feelings away, that feeling for Kyoya that I treasured the most.

I picked up my bag and headed to the door. But when I turned the knob, it felt something was there. And there he was.

"Kyoya."

He stared at me. I was not afraid at his cold gaze. I was afraid that he would be broken. And yes, he was.

"It seemed that it was a good idea to spy on your house. That useless escape tactic of yours, an herbivore is always an herbivore…"

Really Kyoya, would you ever change? As I heard the word "herbivore", tears started welling again…

"…but I promised I will chase you, right?"

I was stunned on how straightforward that declaration was.

I was even more stunned when he grabbed me into a tight hug. It's so tight up to the point my lungs can't breathe, but I never wanted to break out of it, never…

Although no words were mentioned in that encounter, we understood each other. No words can ever express how much we meant for each other. He spoke.

"Promise me you won't ever dare try to break this hug, or I'll bite you to death…"

My lips curved into a smile. How I missed the way he treated me then like an "herbivore".

"I would like to see you try."

I knew him enough, I have already prepared some escape plan just in case he would barge in like that, but I want this moment to last… even for a minute will do…

I hugged him back, tight… holding him closer as each seconds pass by…

I know he wanted to hear those words from me, but I think this time was not the right time for it… I was afraid to be hurt, but either way, it would pierce me right through my heart…

"I have left a little parting gift to you. I wish to see you again, Kyoya. I know we will, you'll chase me, right?"

I activated my mist flames, and disappeared without a trace. I can imagine his face, he despised illusions a lot. But it was not enough reason for him to loathe me.

He read the letter, I knew he did. I could sense my feelings reaching him, for the first and last time.

….

_Ten years ago, it was him. Now, the wind has directed me to the other direction, and now I was all yours…_

A/N: So, how was it for a first angst fic? Anyways, thanks for reading 'till the end! Please don't forget to treat me a pineapple (Review or comment…) before you close this tab! :D


End file.
